Der Film Bone

Another interview with director S.W. Owen has found its way into the wooly world of internet film-theory round-ups, this one courtesy of Germany's Der Film Bone. Arns Kielbander talks with Owen about Apartment Complex, Hep 2 Video & the upcoming film adaptation of Johnny Idaho.

ARNS KIELBANDER: You are making too many movies, no?
S.W. OWEN: Well... I keep busy, I suppose.
AK: It's hot.
SWO: In here? The air conditioning is on...
AK: It's too hot. I'm going to take off my shirt.
SWO: ...Okay.
AK: Why is Apartment Complex not out yet in Germany? I hear it is disgusting!
SWO: Well, psychologically speaking, maybe. It's actually not out anywhere. I screened a work-in-progress a while back, but the new cut just got finished, and I'm just now submitting it to--
AK: I must see it. It's about a koo koo man?
SWO: It's a diary film, working with Polanskian tropes. I guess I do go a little koo koo in it...
AK: Koo Koo like Tom Cruise!
SWO: Well...
AK: Excellent. Tom Cruise is atrocious!
SWO: Yes, but Tom Cruise is a big star, and the character in this movie is not. He's somebody who wants to be an artist, who has the enthusiasm, but can't articulate what he--
AK: It sounds very retro.
SWO: Well...
AK: Very 2001.
SWO: Not the Kubrick...
AK: Ach! No, the year...
SWO: Oh... Well, I guess...
AK: You know what film I am feeling very, very excited for? The new Batman!
SWO: Yeeeah, I don't know...
AK: Why not make a film like this? That everyone will want to see and will be released all over the world?
SWO: I would like to, of course, but in terms of the financing available to me...
AK: I think it looks like a rollicking good time, and very high caliber, you know, the production values. Not so dirty!
SWO: Yeah, I guess I've been pretty interested in dirty video, and the ugliness of that image, but maybe, also, certain kinds of beauty and poetry which can emerge from that ugliness...
AK: This is not like Batman at all!
SWO: No, I guess not.
AK: It's so sad. Why do you do it?
SWO: Do what?
AK: Make your ugly little movies?
SWO: I don't... Are you asking me---
AK: Why always with the dirty, ugly little videos? Why not something like the Batman?
SWO: Well, The Hep 2 Video work... it doesn't represent the full scope of what I'm interested in, thematically, cinematically. I have plans to release that body of work on DVD, and then move on... This Johnny Idaho thing...
AK: Ach! The detective!
SWO: Right...
AK: A bit more of the Batman, a little bit less of the uglies?
SWO: I suppose. I'll be shooting that this summer, and it's going to be--
AK: This makes sense to me. Enough with the uglies, more of the Batman!
SWO: I don't know.
AK: You disappoint me.

Johnny Idaho's The Dead Don't Die will be premiering at this November's Hi-Class Picture Show. Apartment Complex is currently being rejected by film festivals all over the globe. Hep 2 Video: The Collected Works will be released on DVD this winter.

MOVIETIME with Idiot Boy Neal Anderson: #6

Hello movie fans! Okay, first things first, I am not in the line up for New Stars Wars anymore. You can read why in the new exciting blogger that is The Timechanges Blogger. I will still go see it as soon as it comes out just no more weirdo line up stuff for me - It is back to plain jane everyday old fashioned movies for this movie buff! And there are a ton of neat ones coming at you this week!!!

Number one in my books has got to be The Monster in Law. This one looks scary, but also, funny. In it the old lady and the Hispanic booty shaker fight, I believe, a monster, and maybe they go to jail. Is it funny? I loved it. This old one, I do not know who she is, but she is Hollywood royalty, and every where she goes she gets spit on in her la-di-dah fur coats – that’s no way to treat the Queen of Hollywood, no matter how old she is. They fight it up, too, the Hispanic and the old coot, and then, I believe, they fight the monster. This one, it is a real good one, and I think it will be boffo at the box office. HOLLYWOOD TRIVIA: The Hispanic once dated a black mobster!!!! Also, the blind boy who is best friends with the mathematician.

ALSO!!! The Mind Hunter!!!!!! This is another shock-o-thriller for fans of The Six Senses and that kind of thing, mental tension and whatnot. It is about FBI agents who use their special mental powers to psyche each other out. Who is in it? A rapper, some party boys, a lady and such. It looks great. I really like this one. I think it has an amazing twist ending, I will be all like “I don’t understand what happened!” Those are the best.

ALSO!!! A funny one for the comedy lovers, Kicking is Screaming. The guy from Saturday Night Live “looks mahhhvelous” in this one. It is about sports, and it has Mrs. Tom Cruise as a beautiful witch. Funny!

ALSO!!! If you are like me and love to watch foreign films, you should not miss Un-leashable. A Chinese boy, in China, is raised in slavery. That is so sad. When he is a man, he becomes violent, and they have to kill him because he is like a dog, even though he has learned karate. There is the Shawshank man in this movie, but sadly he has gone blind like the latina’s old boyfriend so I do not think he will be a good actor anymore, because there is no way for him to learn his lines. WE MUST FIND A CURE FOR BLINDNESS! And also, you can do a good thing and read a blind person this blogger, it will brighten their day. You can also do even better and take them to the movies! They will not be able to see anything, but they will get a popcorn and have fun just being out of the house. See you at the movies!

Yours Truly, Neal Anderson

MOVIETIME with Idiot Boy Neal Anderson: #5

This week there are a number of new ones, I believe. How about this? The Kingdom of Heaven. This is the movie with the Elf Warrior, no joke, it is a big one. It is historical. It is about ancient wars and the knights of the round table, the knights that fought in the wars. What are they fighting for? I don’t know? Peace. Also in this movie is, I believe, The Batman. Also, old people. It is a long one. Does the Elf Warrior use his bow and arrow? I hope so. Also, there is a scary one with the French porno girl who travels the world looking for a job. In this one the wax-o’s come to life and start a’ chopping. Look out. What else? The Crash. In this one, a bunch of them are running around and crashing into each other, Hollwood style. But the one who is giving the best performance – you know who it is, Miss Sandra Bullock, the best one of all of them. Is she really going around with that dirty greasy monkey, I hope not. I hope that he is not black mailing her, and she must go around with him or her daddy will lose his farm. In this movie, what is she doing? I do not know. I do not think it is a funny one like Mrs. Congeniality Part 2. That one was hilarious. She dressed up like a hooker, but she was not a hooker. This one, I haven’t seen this one.

Okay, do not say it!!!!! I know what you are thinking! You are thinking “Neal! You are a jerk if you think you can fool us into thinking you have seen all of these films, and clearly you have not!” I have not seen them, not even the one with Miss Sandra Bullock. Why not? Have I got a surprise for you!!!! Me and my friend Gary, who is a DJ, are standing in line for New Star Wars, which is coming out very soon!!!! I love Star Wars. It is amazing. Gary is dressed up as, I don’t know what he calls it, but he looks like a big bear. I am dressed up like Dr. Spock. These movies are the greatest. Hans Olo is very cool, very slick. The Princess, she’s pretty. Is she the one that the old horndog made get undressed, but she wouldn’t do it, in the one with Pretty Lady!? Also, she is in the one with the Jewish doctor, I believe. Luke!!! He is a “Sky-walker.” In this one Luke, I believe, becomes the big baddie, the dark chocolate man with the big mask who can strangle you long-distance. Why will he do it? He must be upset.

I cannot wait to see it, New Star Wars. All of these movies are great. All of the fans are great too! Even the robots, who are very nice! I will stay here until the movie, then I will watch it and go home. Right now, it is like a party in outer space, only on the sidewalk. How I will go the bathroom, I do not know. I think one of the robots made it in his pants, but they are robots and do not know about bathrooms and such. These movies, I believe they are about myths. Myths are important. I think that I will write a space story that is a myth that will help people with their Timechanges. Maybe it will be as good as New Star Wars. Yeah right!!!!!!!! But I will write it. Also, I will tell you all about the amazing times I am having in the line-up! It is so exciting!!! I am going to go crazy, it is so exciting!!!!
Seriously, crazy.

See you at the movies!
Yours Truly, Neal Anderson

P.S. Congratulations to Bridget Jones because she finally bagged a fella, and she is married to him! He is a country boy, better than the freaky punk rocker.

Extra-Special Multimedia Krangor Diaries!

(Editor’s Note: Since the summer of 2001, Mark Slutsky has been obsessed with Krangor: Legend of the Galaxy, his proposed big-budget, effects-heavy sci-fi extravaganza about a pair of spaceships who wed at the centre of the galaxy. Obviously a production of this nature requires considerable time and resources, and Slutsky’s continuing struggle to realize this dream project has been the focus of The Krangor Diaries, special to Screen Test.)

This week, a very special edition of The Krangor Diaries, presented in video format! A bold new era for the Diaries begins...

Enjoy!

Summer Movie Preview Review

by Daniel Perlmutter

Summer Blockbusters usually disappoint, that's just the way it is. All that promise, the anticipation, the hype... all for nothing. So why bother? Why not just stick to the thrills and chills on offer from summer movie trailers and forget about the real thing altogether? Only by taking the previews as the product itself is it really possible to enjoy a summer movie, and even then it's pretty hit and miss. With that in mind, below are my reviews for some of this summer's blockbuster trailers.

Batman Begins

I'm a fan of the Batman preview franchise, but this one's a little bleak. There's no real excitement and for most of the trailer it doesn't even look like a super-hero movie. There's no real exciting set-pieces and no sense of fun. But the big problem here is the lack of a villain. Every good comic book preview has a great villain and, as far as I could tell, this preview had none. Most of the preview is concerned with Batman working out. Who wants to see that? And the Batmobile, come on. A camouflaged hummer (that has desert camouflage for some reason, even though it's for driving around Gotham city), it's really a silly-looking car and they seem to think it's pretty cool. They even give it the all important final shot. No thank you! 3/10

Fantastic Four

Now even though I didn't like this preview all that much it did deliver the goods as far as a comic book preview goes. I mean, you get to see the superheroes all doing their thing, which is kind of fun. But the whole look of the preview is a little week. And the story, I don't know, I just couldn't get into it. But at least there was a little bit of action. 6/10

Kingdom Of Heaven

Welcome to dullsville. This preview was so boring I think I dozed off for a few minutes in the middle there. I mean, sure it's got the big battles and everything but when that's accompanied by the plucky sounds of an acoustic guitar it doesn't really get one's blood a-racing. And Orlando Bloom can't carry a preview by himself, he just doesn't have that kind of star power. All the faux spiritualism, booooring! And the blue tint on the desert. Not my cup of tea. 4/10

War of the Worlds

Now this is a preview. It's got a beginning, a middle and end. It's exciting and involving. It's got a great build to it. Both Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning are in fine form. I mean, it just doesn't get any better than this. And when that freeway gets smashed, whoa, talk about wicked awesome. All this preview is missing is a sexy babe. But it's a testament to the strength of the piece that you don't really need one. Bravo! 8/10

AVS FILM SCHOOL #1

Getting Started: Part One



Transcribed from a lecture given by AVS Head of Development S.W. Owen at the Spring Orientation Gala for Automatic Vaudeville Film School, May 2. 2005, Automatic Vaudeville Studios, Montreal.

Hello, hi there, good evening. (applause) My name is Seth W. Owen, (applause) and I’m head of development here at Automatic Vaudeville Studios. (applause) Okay, that’s---Shut up. (pause) Don’t look at me. (pause) Look at me. (awkward silence) Hmmm. That’s actually a different lecture altogether. [note: said lecture is titled “On-Camera/Off-camera: The Politics of Self-Representation in Auteur Cinema” and will be featured in a future installment of Automatic Vaudeville Film School] What I want to talk about tonight is getting started. It just seemed, well, a good place for us to get started. (Pours glass of water from a tall pitcher.)

Okay. So. If you’re a young person thinking about getting started in motion pictures, you’re gonna be coming from one of two places. Which of these places it is that you’re coming from will go a long way in determining what sort of filmmaker you might end up one day, if you pay attention in class and can take good notes. So. Two points-of-entry. Two positions. The first position is “There is a film I want to make,” and the second is “I want to make a film.” I’m sorry, there’s something wrong with this water. This water tastes funny. Could I get a new… thank you. (A young, attractive intern has removed the pitcher of water.) What was I talking about? (looks at notes) That’s right. Do you want to make a movie, or is there a movie you want to make? Think about it. I don’t know if it’s ever going to be all one or the other, life is complicated… but I think it’s worth thinking about.

Before I say any more, I should probably tell you a bit about myself.

I’ve always been creative, even back when that meant something. Very impressively creative. Impressively endowed, creatively speaking. (there is a laugh from a female student at the back of the crowd.) What’s so funny!? Who—Oh… you go to school here? I didn’t realize you were a student here. Well, that’s a little… You look good. Wow, really good. Stay after… I want to discuss your (winks) syllabus with you after class, if you’ve got a moment. Where was I?

Creativity. Back when I was kid, in the 1970s… yeah, no shit, I’m in my 30s. Early 30s. I look young, I know. Eat right. Drink water. Anyway, when I was a kid, everyone wasn’t exploring their creativity all the time, like today. Creativity as in the “creative arts,” that is, because of course there is creativity in all callings, from the haberdasher to the butcherman to the tow truck driver. No, I mean creativity in the “I demand more finger-painting time in my schedule” sense. My creativity was matched only by my devotional interest in movie trivia, and I prided myself as being the class “movie guy.” Okay, alright, I was a not an altogether likable child, granted, granted. Later, in say… What? Grade Six? Junior high school? Later my “creativity” and my love of the movies intersected and made me naturally inclined towards being a filmmaker. The rest, as they say, is history. But during my long, oft erotic slog from aspiring junior high auteur to Head of Development at Montreal’s history-making Automatic Vaudeville Studios, a lot has changed.

Nowadays, every classroom is filled with “movie guys” and “movie gals.” There are film festivals for high school filmmakers. There are video cameras in phones. You can make a movie with your phone! That is so fucked up. Everybody reads the weekend box-office report… speaking of which, how pleased is Vin Diesel with himself right now? Anyhoo. What was I saying? Everybody is a filmmaker. Everybody is a studio executive. The medium and its means of production are emancipated! Democratized! Hurray and hurrah! Meanwhile, there are no nurses or schoolteachers or construction workers. Great. Well done, culture. At least we have more film festivals.

Entertainment—once a “break time” activity—is now the only show in town. And there you are, poised on the brink of your bold new artistic venture, inhaling the invigorating possibility of making your Citizen Kane at age 13. And of course, yes, this here film school has been established to help you realize your goals. But let me give you one important bit of advice: DO NOT BE A FILMMAKER. (gasp from crowd) Okay, alright. Hunker down. This is not advice I give lightly. It does not emerge bitterly from my own many years of frustration and failure in the pursuit of cinematic glory – yes, it’s true, even an icon like myself has his bad days… (a titter from the same student as before.) I say this to you only because THERE ARE TOO MANY FILMMAKERS. I mean, Jesus, it’s certainly not like there are TOO MANY good movies. You feeling me?

Of course, some of you will choose not to heed this sublimely wise advice. You will forge on in your path, and it is more than a little likely that you will meet more success than myself, and that I may, at some point, ask to borrow some money from you. Actually… I accidentally left my wallet back at home this morning, and I was hoping… you, with the glasses, could you… like, a fiver? (Is handed five-dollar bill from student wearing glasses.) Thanks. Don’t do drugs. Maybe I’ll pass a hat around after this thing and you can all… Awesome.

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the beginning, and we are asking ourselves: do I have a movie I want to make or do I want to make a movie? Mull it over. Is it a trick question? Maybe, maybe. In the meantime, I’d like to stress another important aspect of getting started in the pictures: the business aspect. You are indeed entering a business. This cannot be denied. Luckily for you, it is show business, and it is like no business I know. Some of you might not want to be in show business. You might want to make art. And you’ll cry about it later, when you realize you’re in a business all the same. Yeah, you know what, I don’t even want to deal with you people. Everybody who doesn’t want to be in show business, get the hell out of here. (several students begin their exit.) Wait... Except for you. You’ve got spunk. And there’s a considerable amount of junk in your trunk. So… Stay, learn: your artistic ambition and show business can make like an arranged marriage. You can learn to love me—It. Learn to love it. Whoops. Is it hot in here? Hey, you, the fat one, crack that window, would you--- Phew. Where’s that water? It’s so—Where was I? We were just getting started… Talking about getting started… Show business… There’s no business like…
(Lecturer passes out.)

NEXT CLASS: Getting Started Part II: Don’t Go to Film School!