Movietime with Idiot Boy Neal Anderson #4

What is it that I love? A movie that is intelligent and, also, scary. There are actually a couple of these ones out in your theatres now. First there is The Amityville Horror Movie. This one is a true story. How scary is that? Scary and smart. In olden times, two newlyweds and their children move into a big house where bad things are always happening. I don’t know who they are. Is the one with the beard from the Pizza place? And the blonde one, I don’t know. Maybe she is a real person. This all really happened. Sometimes bad things happen to people, as they say. GHOSTS! What are they? Why are they so scary!!? The beard-o is all coconuts because the children are giving him the grumpies. He knows it will soon be axe time. Enter ghosts. They run around and it is so scary! And I know that axe time is wrong, no matter how much you want to do it. DON’T DO IT!

The Interpretator is a smart movie as well as the other one, and in it Mrs. Tom Cruise is a beautiful blonde who works for the United Stations and the serious one, the great actor, Sean Penn, is, I believe, a policeman. They fall in love, I believe, even though Africans are trying to kill them with voodoo. First of all, I do not know about the United Stations until I have seen this film. What do they do there? They see to it, I believe, that all of our nations are united, in peace! That is a good idea. Mrs. Tom Cruise, what does she do? She answers the phones or something, and one night she picks up the phone and a scary African man is all like “I’m going to kill you voodoo style.” Enter the great actor, who I believe was in the other one, The Mystical River, the one about the little boy who was thrown down some stairs and was sad his whole life for no good reason. He is always crying (Sean Penn not the little boy, even though the little boy is also crying). My friend Gary, who is a DJ, told me that Sean Penn used to be married to Madonna, before she was Jewish. He killed a man with a camera. The photographs were so good he is now an actor (?). One time in this movie Mrs. Tom Cruise gets on a bus and everybody is like “Get off the bus!” That was funny, but then an explosion came and it was sad. This is a smart one. Don’t miss it.

Also opening at the box office is A Little Bit Like Love – Guess who is in this movie – it is Ashton Kutcher, the little boy who married an old lady and was just in The Guess Who, which is why I made that joke. I saw them kiss with tongues on Saturday Night Live. What a weirdo! In this movie he learns that love is “a little bit like love” no matter what. He is also a punko, and one of these days he might punko me pretty bad. Like I will just be eating my lunch and he will run up on me and yell PUNK-O and it will be on Tv, so the joke is on me then I guess. Seriously, it is all in good fun, and I hope I am punk-o’d right away. This one, I did not see this one. See you at the movies!

Yours Truly, Neal Anderson

From The Desk of D.S. Perlmutter, Head of Production

Re: New Frontiers in Entertainment

To: Seth W. Owen, Head of Development
CC: Mark Slutsky, Head of Production

Gentlemen, have done some research of late, thought I should copy you in. Have you seen latest numbers on Incredibles? Never mind DVD figures, check out overseas sales. Also Find The Fish movie still making money. Not to mention Shrek, now billion dollar industry! I say we move on whole cartoon-thing ASAP. As far as budget goes no need to worry. Sure, these pictures used to cost an arm and a leg, but can now find fourteen-year-old nerds who do whole movie on computer in basement. For real! Give some Jr. High student case of diet coke and he'll have our movie finished by end of week. As far as story goes, I have ideas. Good characters a must. Already done Fish, Toys and Robots with Cars coming next. So how's this for a title: House Arrest. Movie set in near future where houses can commit crimes. How would you feel if your house committed a crime? That's what happens to young Bobby Fielding, and it's up to a rag-tag team of rent controlled buildings to prove Bobby's home innocent. Maybe evil condominium is behind whole thing. As you can see, movie writes itself. I say we move now. Give me green light and we can all make some money. - Dan.

P.S. On a related note I have heard some talk around the studio about a Dragon Hunting movie. Must advise against this. Please consult me before any further developments on this picture. - Dan.

Movietime with Idiot Boy Neal Anderson: Special Summer Movie Preview!

Summertime, I believe, is when all of the big ones are coming out, and it will soon be summertime, so get ready! These are the ones that we are all looking forward to:

Herbie, Reloaded – I am super psyched up about this one. Talented Lindsay Lohan is a young lady with flaming red hair and an attitude to match who falls in love with a talking automobile, I believe. I thought that Lindsay Lohan was a naughty one because I am always hearing “that one is a drunk” and “that one is making out with a bald-o or a foreigner (from the show).” But do you know what? I heard her song and in it she is singing “rumours make me feel bad, they are not true.” I believe you, Lindsay!

Fantastic 4 – There are four of these (superpeople), and they fly around and shoot fire and such. One of them is so pretty I can’t even believe it (soooooooo pretty), but there is one that is so ugly they should not let him be in the movies. He is deformed and horrible and just gross.

The Stars Wars: Revenge of the Jedi – Finally it is coming out! What is it about? Space and such, intrigue, robots, two young people who are in love but experience great hardship, or should I say great hard-spaceship! Is that funny? The one in this movie is the world class beauty Natalie Portman, she is Princess Leia, and did you know there is another movie that an old lecher made her be in and take off her clothes but she was like “Never! I will never do it!” (The one with Pretty Lady.) She was also in the one with the guy from E.R. where she played some kind of spazz. What is her deal!!!????

A War of Worlds – New movie with Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg and the little blonde one from the movie with the black one and also the one with the ghost. What is this one about? I don’t know. War. It is important. It might also be, I believe, a secret E.T. movie. My fingers are crossed. If you are interested in E.T. and especially about whatever happened to Little Gertie who is Drew Barrymore you can read all about it in my timechanges blogger. WEB PEOPLE PUT LINK TO MY WEB BLOGGER HERE PLEASE!

The Batman’s Beginning – this is one to be excited about, I believe. Who is The Batman and where did he come from? Why is he so sad and always running around chasing the baddies? This movie is a new one, and different from the old films about The Batman. In this movie things are not so dark and dreary, the Batman climbs up Chinese mountains in the afternoon with a nice old Scottish man, and then I’ll bet he is attacked by bats and has timechanges.

Charles and the Chocolate Factory – This looks like baby stuff. The pirate, however, is in it. Arrrggh! (why do pirates say that!?)

Legally Blonde 3 – Is this going to come out? When is this one coming out? I would like to see this one. Gentlemen prefer blondes.

New Matrix Movie – is there another one of these? I hope so. They are complicated but also entertaining.

These are the ones I know. See you at the movies!

Yours truly, Neal Anderson

Mystery Lovers Rejoice, Industry Remains Oblivious...

The New Zealand web site starsparkle.org has apparently nabbed the first interview with author and director Seth W. Owen about his highly anticipated big screen adaptation of the Johnny Idaho detective series. The film isn’t set to make its debut until Automatic Vaudeville's Hi-Class Picture Show in November, but here (courtesy of starsparkle) is a first peek at what’s to come…

STARSPARKLE: Is it true? Is there really going to be a Johnny Idaho movie?
SETH W. OWEN: Absolutely. Absolutely true.
SS: Really? Because sometimes you guys are bullshitting. Sometimes I think everything you guys (Automatic Vaudeville) say is just a bunch of bullshit.
SWO: Well, that’s not the case here. No pun intended.
SS: I’m sorry?
SWO: Case. Like a detective solves a case…
SS: Of course. Speaking of which, will the film be based on one of the more well known Johnny Idaho stories? There has been some talk about Friday’s Nice Long Fade, for instance.
SWO: It’s actually a brand new serial, called The Dead Don’t Die. The stories will be published concurrently with the films in a brand new magazine, The Mysteriola Journal of Private Detection.
SS: Huh. Well, okay. Some fans are skeptical about the move from page to screen. Do you think there’s a danger, in adapting something that is already so well established…
SWO: No, what? Why? It’s fine. It’s not like this is The Da Vinci Code, for chrissakes. I mean, I’m directing it, I’m writing it, it’s gonna be a hot one… A lot of big AVS stars – we’re going to announce the full cast in about a month... A lot of girls. A lot of action.
SS: Fair enough. So now, you know I’ve got to ask… Everybody is wondering… Who is going to play Johnny Idaho?
SWO: What do you mean? I’m playing Johnny Idaho.
SS: Really? Are you sure that’s such a good idea?
SWO: Of course it’s a--- what the hell? I’m a good leading man. I deserve a decent franchise. So what if I have to go out and do it myself? I’m better than McConaughey. I’m better than goddamn Christian Bale.
SS: I dunno. Those guys are pretty ripped.
SWO: Yeah, well, a personal trainer costs money.
SS: And your nipples seem kinda weird.
SWO: Yeah, well… My nipples aren’t gonna be in this movie, okay?
SS: Okay. Touchy. Why not?
SWO: Because this movie is shot in a very innovative way, where the detective isn’t on screen all that much. It’s a little reminiscent of Robert Montgomery’s 1947 Phillip Marlowe experiment, The Lady in the Lake, with a lot of Point-of-View camerawork, only this time, you know, good…
SS: So a lot of voice over and stuff?
SWO: Yup.
SS: Black and white?
SWO: You betcha.
SS: Video?
SWO: Well, sure, I mean, budget limitations…
SS: Sounds a lot like Sin City.
SWO: Go fuck yourself.
SS: What? Sin City was awesome.
SWO: This is nothing like Sin City.
SS: Whatever you say. That movie rocked it. What about Clive Owen? You guys have the same last name. He could play Johnny Idaho.
SWO: (no response)

Thanks again to Starsparkle for the interview. Keep your eyes peeled for further Johnny Idaho developments.

What A Life!

The following is an excerpt from the blog of Susie Samperson, an up-and-coming Hollywood starlet.

Hey Y'all,

It's been a crazy time but I'm finally ready to get blogging. From now on everything I do is going on this blog, I promise!!!! And I ain't gonna sugarcoat nothing neither, not like the rest of them Hollywood types. I want y'all to know what it's really like to live a show-biz life. So first up I got some bad news for y'all, I'm writing this from a rehab center. You see, my Big Daddy was driving me around on his motorcycle and we got in a real bad bang 'em up. Anyway, I started getting this pain in my back on account of the accident and the only thing what could help was these pills. Pain killing pills, y'all. And I started taking a lot of them, I just couldn't stop. So that's how I wound up here. But they've been really nice and they've also been helping with my cocaine and alcohol dependancy. They say I'm doing real good and I should be out by the end of the week, which is good cause I start shooting a new movie soon. It's all about an undercover cop who's posing as an angel in heaven. What will these hollywood types think of next? Thanks again for all your support and stay tuned for all the news about my life. I love you with all my heart!!!! Kisses, Susie Samperson.

To find out more about Ms. Samperson follow the link to her blog:

What A Life!

Movietime with Idiot Boy Neal Anderson #2

Hi everybody! So today is the big week! Side Ways is FINALLY out on video & DVD. I also got the soundtrack! Side Ways is all about livin’ la vina’ loca! Vina means wine, and this movie has a serious love affair with the stuff. Do you know what? I am starting to think that all those nominations for those awards (a la Oscar) were not half a coincidence. To my mind, this film is one of the best movies about wine ever made. But do you know what? It’s also about men, and women, and the lives they lead, which are the lives we lead as well, lives filled with timechanges. (WEB PEOPLE: PLEASE PUT LINK TO MY TIMECHANGES BLOGGER HERE!)

So who is in this movie? The slow person from The Wings and a big bunch of nobodies, that’s who! I am kidding around about it, but do you know what? The slow person from The Wings is really good. He is almost as good as a normal person would be. I did not think for one second, somebody like Pierce Bronsan (After Sunset, BOND!) should be playing this role, and that is saying a lot, because I think that Pierce Bronsan would be pretty much perfect for every role (and this one is no exception!!!). There is another one in this movie, a weirdish looking one, stylish, and a real glum chum. The plot thickens when the slow one from The Wings tries to cheer him up by having sex with an Asian one and getting married. Instead, “ le other guy” (weirdish looking, but interesting as a character) falls in love with a beautiful married lady, a bawdy barmaid who is always cracking wise. She is a blonde one, but an old lady. Definitely older than the Mexicana from the Pierce Bronsan movie. In the movie’s main scene, the old gal tells him (El Weirdo), “Life is like a bottle of wine,” and “live every moment like you’re drinking a glass of wine,” which is something I can relate to with or without a glass of wine in my hand. Something we all can!!!

I am enjoying learning all about the delights of this drink, which is actually derived from grapes and fruits like that. I looked it up on the internet and guess what? The guy in that movie is telling the truth, sometimes they put a whole bunch of stuff in the wine, EVEN CHEESE and VEGETABLES. Also, the other movie about wine, Da Mondo Vino. This is, I believe, about gangsters stealing wine, they are all like “Hey, forget about it, gimme a bottle a da’ mondo vino or I’ll wack you out!” This one, I don’t know about this one, who is in it? It looks like a bunch of garbage. Does it? Side Ways gets a 9. Da Mondo Vino, I don’t know. If you love wine you will love these movies!!!

Also, I had a letter from a lady named Annie Something-or-other. She wanted to know what to do when your special somebody (her husband!) is always smelling like oil. Me, I would say just keep at it! Sometimes somebody says that men are from mars and the ladies from venus. Think about it. Also, if it is the oil he is smelling like, he is probably having sex with a prostitute. Also, if you would like to read more about handling life’s problems, please visit my blogger about timechanges (WEB PEOPLE PUT THE LINK TO MY WEB BLOGGER HERE PLEASE!). That is it for now, I believe.
Yours Truly, Neal Anderson
P.S. Congratulations Sandy B. Miss Congeniality Part 2 Number 1 Police Comedy in North America!

The Krangor Diaries

(Editor’s Note: Since the summer of 2001, Mark Slutsky has been obsessed with Krangor: Legend of the Galaxy, his proposed big-budget, effects-heavy sci-fi extravaganza about a pair of spaceships who wed at the centre of the galaxy. Obviously a production of this nature requires considerable time and resources, and Slutsky’s continuing struggle to realize this dream project has been the focus of The Krangor Diaries, special to Screen Test.)

April 6, 2005 Dear Diary: It has been seven long months since we last spoke. So much has happened in between that I do not even know where to start! I could tell you about the amazing progress I've made on the Krangor script. I could tell you about all of the incredible artists I have signed on to the project--artists who, in the media of sculpture, artistic drawing, and music, will help me realize my goals in ways I'd never previously imagine. Or, I could just start with the most exciting news of all...

The studio has greenlit Krangor!!!

It's true! Krangor is actually happening! I've waited for this day so long, dear diary, I barely know how to contain my excitement. Dearest diary, you're going to be seeing a lot more action in the months to come, I can tell you that. I will be sharing the most intimate secrets of the Krangor saga with you, as always, but oh, how there will be so much more to tell! Seth W. Owen, my good friend and confidant, has signed on as producer, and I have no doubt his sage advice will lead us on to greater and greater heights. These spaceships are going to get married, and how!

Oh boy, and how!