Thursday, November 17, 2005

AMAZINGLY SPECTACULAR HOLIDAY MOVIE PREVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! with Idiot Boy Neal Anderson

I have been away because of severe dehydration but now I am back just in time for the holidays! Thanks you for your cards and such, they meant a lot. But enough about me!!! (but if you want to learn more about dehydration you can find out about it ON-LINE!!!!! DO IT!!!! Before you become dehydrated yourself!!!)
Anyways, so many movies always come out at Christmastime, so why not give yourself a present and go see one! This is my AMAZINGLY SPECTACULAR HOLIDAY MOVIE PREVIEW that will tell you which ones are the best, so you can skip the rest.

The King Kong
This one is about a great big monkey!!! He is like a thousand feet tall and super strong! Problems happen when this giant monkey is made King and it goes to his head and he tries, I believe, to have sex with Marilyn Monroe, because she make sexy eyes with him when he battles a giant snake or something. He even climbs up the tallest building in New York City (NYC!). The film is, I believe, set in the past, i.e. before the terrorists destroyed this magnificent building. Now that is something for us all to think about.

The Rent

This one is a musical! It has still not come out! I am so excited for this one! This one looks amazing (see the amazing picture above!)! I have seen it on the live stage like a jazillion times! The cool kids are broke, they cannot pay The Rent! Got to pay the rent! La la la Rent! One by one they die of AIDS (sad but true, happens ALL THE TIME, etc.) and the "show must go on!" as they say, Rent-style.

Casanova Man
What a man, this Casanova man. He bounds around ancient Rome with a feather in his cap and is all like "hello my fine lady what a nice frock you have on," and they are positively melting. I would melt too, if jolly Casanova had his way with me, but not in a gay way, just friendly and respectful. Because he was a great man! Trivia: His name means A New House.

Memories of a Geisha
This Geisha is a Chinese lady, and her memories are sad becuase Geishas are Chinese hookers. Hookers are often sad because they cannot kiss on the mouth. Never on the mouth! This is, I believe, because dignity and honour are important to the Asians, and perhaps also to hookers - odd!!! The geishas wear elaborate robes that turn into sex machines, I believe. Is this a musical? I do not know. I think I want to be a geisha.

The Ring of Fire
Is that what it's called? Who is in this movie? River Phenix and the lady with the crazy name! She has a name like Henrietta Motherspoon - trust me it is hilarious. River Phenix plays a crazy country rocker who discovers a magic ring of fire, and then they both sing about it and get married. Me, I am interested to learn more about it, about the man.

Brokenback Mountains

What is this one about??? I am excited! Two country cowboys. One is Casanova Man, and the other is The Spider Man. They are best friends and have wonderful times together just a' fishin' and herdin' up the cattle and a' wrasslin' about and such, I believe. Their women friends don't get it! They are all like "I don't wantcha messin' with that cowboy! I wantcha ta stay home and smooch me the live long day!" (one of these is from Dawson Creek!!!!!! Why is Dawson Creek not in this one!!??) These good ol' gals don't get it! Boys will be boys!!!!! That is a fact! It is important to have boy friends!!!!!

The Lion and the Witch and The Wardrobe

This one sounds like an old joke like "What do get when you cross an Lion and a Witch and they go into a wardrobe???" I don't know what the puchline would be, but I bet there will be plenty of punchlines in this one. Because it is like Shrek? I think so. That one was Hi-larious, especially the black fellow as the dirty donkey! He was the dirtiest donkey there ever was, except for something from the internet that my friend made me watch on taco night.

Munich
This is going to be a biggie! It is directed by Mr. Steven Spielberg, the man who made E.T. and The Jurassic Park and The Star Wars and and The Titanic and The War of Worlds!!!!!! What is it about???? Who cares!!!! It will be exciting. I think maybe it is about Jewish crime-fighters, that is okay, I would be okay with jewish material if it is exciting like The Jurassic Park. As long as they are not chanting and such every two minutes (NOT RACIST!).

That's it for now, but I know there are more!!! Maybe I will write about them, if they become popular and such. I am happy to do it!! Until then I will go see these ones and maybe I will see you there, there in the theatre. Unless I can find somebody to tell me how I can watch them on my phone, then I will just watch them on that.

See you at the movies!

Yours truly,
Neal Anderson

1 Comments:

Wicker Headcase said...

I applaude you Mr. Anderson! For grabbling the film industry by the gonads and laying it down straight.
Y'know like that Moore guy did with the guns and stuff.

4:44 PM  

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