Tuesday, May 10, 2005

MOVIETIME with Idiot Boy Neal Anderson: #5

This week there are a number of new ones, I believe. How about this? The Kingdom of Heaven. This is the movie with the Elf Warrior, no joke, it is a big one. It is historical. It is about ancient wars and the knights of the round table, the knights that fought in the wars. What are they fighting for? I don’t know? Peace. Also in this movie is, I believe, The Batman. Also, old people. It is a long one. Does the Elf Warrior use his bow and arrow? I hope so. Also, there is a scary one with the French porno girl who travels the world looking for a job. In this one the wax-o’s come to life and start a’ chopping. Look out. What else? The Crash. In this one, a bunch of them are running around and crashing into each other, Hollwood style. But the one who is giving the best performance – you know who it is, Miss Sandra Bullock, the best one of all of them. Is she really going around with that dirty greasy monkey, I hope not. I hope that he is not black mailing her, and she must go around with him or her daddy will lose his farm. In this movie, what is she doing? I do not know. I do not think it is a funny one like Mrs. Congeniality Part 2. That one was hilarious. She dressed up like a hooker, but she was not a hooker. This one, I haven’t seen this one.

Okay, do not say it!!!!! I know what you are thinking! You are thinking “Neal! You are a jerk if you think you can fool us into thinking you have seen all of these films, and clearly you have not!” I have not seen them, not even the one with Miss Sandra Bullock. Why not? Have I got a surprise for you!!!! Me and my friend Gary, who is a DJ, are standing in line for New Star Wars, which is coming out very soon!!!! I love Star Wars. It is amazing. Gary is dressed up as, I don’t know what he calls it, but he looks like a big bear. I am dressed up like Dr. Spock. These movies are the greatest. Hans Olo is very cool, very slick. The Princess, she’s pretty. Is she the one that the old horndog made get undressed, but she wouldn’t do it, in the one with Pretty Lady!? Also, she is in the one with the Jewish doctor, I believe. Luke!!! He is a “Sky-walker.” In this one Luke, I believe, becomes the big baddie, the dark chocolate man with the big mask who can strangle you long-distance. Why will he do it? He must be upset.

I cannot wait to see it, New Star Wars. All of these movies are great. All of the fans are great too! Even the robots, who are very nice! I will stay here until the movie, then I will watch it and go home. Right now, it is like a party in outer space, only on the sidewalk. How I will go the bathroom, I do not know. I think one of the robots made it in his pants, but they are robots and do not know about bathrooms and such. These movies, I believe they are about myths. Myths are important. I think that I will write a space story that is a myth that will help people with their Timechanges. Maybe it will be as good as New Star Wars. Yeah right!!!!!!!! But I will write it. Also, I will tell you all about the amazing times I am having in the line-up! It is so exciting!!! I am going to go crazy, it is so exciting!!!!
Seriously, crazy.

See you at the movies!
Yours Truly, Neal Anderson

P.S. Congratulations to Bridget Jones because she finally bagged a fella, and she is married to him! He is a country boy, better than the freaky punk rocker.


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